Can i not drive my cunt home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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