we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
