Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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