Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
