This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
