walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
