You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize