Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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