I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
