Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
