Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
