I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
