Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
