I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize