Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
