if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
