Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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