I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
