He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize