i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
