first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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