So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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