Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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