Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were trust falling into bushes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
