i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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