either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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