help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
