if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
