i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
