i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
