That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
