well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
