just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
