i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm really busy with my period
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