I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
