the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
