He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
