I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He felt like a one man threesome
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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