I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
