3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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