Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
