carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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