Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
