By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's just like the Real World with babies
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
