i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
