sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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