So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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