i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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