I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We got so high we made milksteak
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize