Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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