I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
