weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
