hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
