She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
