when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
