There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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