i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
