Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
