Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
