Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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