It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
