Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
