i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
