I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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