There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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