i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
