My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
