How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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