it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
