i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
