He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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