just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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