kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
