So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
