I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
