put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Someone signed my nipple.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize