there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
