there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
