Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just cropdusted the office
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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