why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
