This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
