Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
