4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
