i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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