I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
