She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
