like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
