Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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