I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
