I am puke
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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