Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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