Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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