Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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