can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
