Swine flu. Run for my life!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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