and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me that man meat
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
